A Review of JEB’s terrible announcement


This doofus thinks he’s vaguely qualified to be president…can we institute an IQ test before you can declare your candidacy?

So JEB (John Ellis Bush), a nickname that sounds like a character from Deliverance, announced he was running for president (strike up the banjos!).  Not a shock he didn’t really have much to say.  I guess I should be glad he didn’t mention that he’s going to bring back a 19th century economy and make manufacturing a top priority of his administration.  He was however quite clear that he is for federal expansion of government power in education and completely against federal government expansion in education.  He was quite clear that he will use powers the presidency doesn’t have to get the economy back on track (possibly through a judicious use of taxpayer money in the form of bribes) to give us mostly low paying jobs.  And Bush wants you to know he will stand against the elites…okay let’s look at some things he actually said.

Already, the choice is taking shape. The party now in the White House is planning a no-suspense primary, for a no-change election. To hold onto power. To slog on with the same agenda under another name: That’s our opponents’ call to action this time around. That’s all they’ve got left. And you and I know that America deserves better

More specifically we deserve better than Jeb.

They have offered a progressive agenda that includes everything but progress. They are responsible for the slowest economic recovery ever,

Well, your brother and his complete sell out of conservative principles with that bailout had something to do with it too.  Don’t lie.

I, for one, am not eager to see what another four years would look like under that kind of leadership.  The presidency should not be passed on from one liberal to the next.

So you’re announcing that another you and nor any other Bush will ever run for office ever again?

So, here’s what it comes down to. Our country is on a very bad course. And the question is: What are we going to do about it?

Not elect a Bush or Clinton!

The question for me is: What am I going to do about it?   And I have decided. I am a candidate for president of the United States.

God help us all.

We will take command of our future once again in this country.

I know what he means…but for some reason that comes off in such a banana-dictator sort of way.

We will lift our sights again, make opportunity common again, get events in the world moving our way again.


We will take Washington – the static capital of this dynamic country – out of the business of causing problems.


We will get back on the side of free enterprise and free people.


I know we can fix this. Because I’ve done it.

Florida’s history during that time wasn’t that good Jeb.

Here, in this great and diverse state that looks so much like America.

I read Dave Barry, I watched the recall, I know that Florida is just short of an asylum…so I feel I’ve just been insulted.

So many challenges could be overcome if we just get this economy growing at full strength. There is not a reason in the world why we cannot grow at a rate of four percent a year.  And that will be my goal as president – four percent growth, and the 19 million new jobs  that  come with it.  Economic growth that makes a difference for hard-working men and women – who don’t need reminding that the economy is more than the stock market. Growth that lifts up the middle class – all the families who haven’t gotten a raise in 15 years. Growth that makes a difference for everyone.  It’s possible.  It can be done.

That sounds great Jeb, did you possibly have anything resembling a plan for that?  (except he is the first person I have heard admit that economies are not based on stock markets – so I will give him that)

We made Florida number one in job creation and number one in small business creation. 1.3 million new jobs,

According to the Washington Post:

He led a drive to make Florida a biotechnology center by luring the Scripps Research Institute to Palm Beach County with $369 million in state money as bait. But while Florida led the nation in job creation, much of that was in low-paid service industry jobs that left many Floridians without health insurance and scrambling for affordable housing amid a real estate boom that helped fuel business-friendly tax breaks.

Wow Jeb bribing people to come to your state (so capitalistic) and the kind of jobs Obama loves.  Tell me more about your great job growth. Sounds like more crony capitalism to me

I also used my veto power to protect our taxpayers from needless spending.   And if I am elected president, I’ll show Congress how that’s done.

Jeb, I’m not sure if anyone has explained this to you, as Governor of Florida you had this things called “Line-Item Veto” where you could veto individual spending projects without vetoing the whole budget…the President doesn’t have that.  So maybe instead of showing Congress how it’s done, someone should explain to you how things in Washington are done?  Or like Obama did you plan on just inventing powers of the office?

Leaders have to think big, and we’ve got a tax code filled with small-time thinking and self-interested politics.

Like $369 million of taxpayer money paid as a bribe to a private company?

What swarms of lobbyists have done, we can undo with a vastly simpler system – clearing out special favors for the few reducing rates for all.

I’m so glad he’s using a cheap platitude about Washington and not demonstrating how anything really works.

What the IRS, EPA, and entire bureaucracy have done with overregulation, we can undo by act of Congress and order of the president.

Okay…do you have even one specific?  One…because good idea in theory but someone could screw it up if they don’t know what they’re doing…something you have and your family has demonstrated.

When we get serious about limited government,

$369 million of taxpayer money

We can build our future on solvency instead of borrowed money.


We can honor our commitments on the strength of fiscal integrity.

$369 million of taxpayer money

With North American resources and American ingenuity, we can finally achieve energy security for this nation – and with presidential leadership, we can make it happen within five years.

Good lord, are you allergic to the specifics…Keystone, is it that hard to say?

We will also challenge the culture that has made lobbying the premier growth industry in the nation’s capital.

Back to the lobbying, this speech is not only hollow it’s repeating the same platitudes.

We don’t need another president who merely holds the top spot among the pampered elites of Washington.

Jeb, just saying you’re against the elites doesn’t change the fact you’re a Bush.  You’re one of the three families in history to have had more than one member as president.  You don’t get more elite than that.  Also, the only people who are funding you are the people who think they can get favors out of you.  Seriously you’re like Hillary with a little less corruption.

We need a president willing to challenge and disrupt the whole culture in our nation’s capital.

Raise your hand if you could see this line in an Obama speech and it wouldn’t seem out of place?

I will be that president because I was a reforming governor, not just another member of the club. There’s no passing off responsibility when you’re a governor, no blending into the legislative crowd or filing an amendment and calling that success.

Except you know that time you failed to defend people (Elian Gonzalez) in your state and let them be hauled off to a tyranny.

As our whole nation has learned since 2008, executive experience is another term for preparation, and there is no substitute for that.

Really?  2008?  I could have sworn we learned that in 1988 with your dipshit father (and every presidency since).

We are not going to clean up the mess in Washington by electing the people who either helped create it or have proven incapable of fixing it.

So why did you hire your dad and brother’s people to run your campaign?

In government, if we get a few big things right, we can make life better for millions of people, especially for kids in public schools.

Okay, I’m for the Common Core standards and I think every state should adopt them…but I think every state should do it…this idiot wants to actually expand federal government power over education.

Think of what we all watched not long ago in Baltimore where so many young adults are walking around with no vision of a life beyond the life they know.

Reform of the federal welfare state will do more for this problem than a federal power grab over education Jeb.

Every school should have high standards, and the federal government should have nothing to do with setting them.   Nationwide, if I am president, we will take the power of choice away from the unions and bureaucrats and give it back to parents.

Literally contradicting what you just said.  Pick a side.  I’d have more respect for you if you were on the wrong side than this federal power grab/state’s rights thing then this duality you seem to want.

That is always our first and best instinct in this nation filled with charitable hearts. Yet these have been rough years for religious charities and their right of conscience. And the leading Democratic candidate recently hinted of more trouble to come.

I’m failing to notice any statement about getting rid of the corporate tax which would defend all charities as they wouldn’t be subject to any taxes then and thus completely free from federal power over them.

[Five more paragraphs about attacks on Christianity…not one word about rolling back the federal power that can harass religious groups.]

[Five paragraphs on what Obama has done wrong with foreign policy but nothing about what he would do]

I will rebuild our vital friendships. That starts by standing with the brave, democratic State of Israel.

They’re a republic not a democracy Jeb.  I’m afraid you might think other republics are democracies.

But we don’t need a glorified tourist to go to Havana in support of a failed Cuba.

Okay, no matter how bad the Cuba thing is, you’ve mentioned Cuba but not ISIS…you do realize you have to run somewhere other than Florida right Jeb?

Please say hello to my wonderful Mom, Barbara Bush.

Barbara, if you could go back in time, would you have exposed your brain dead children to the elements rather than inflicting them on us?

I will run with heart.

Umm…we’re Republicans you idiot!  We prefer our heads!


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Categorised in: election 2016, Politics

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