Choice is Destroying the World: The Bernie Sanders PSA

He doesn’t flinch over returning to the 90 percent personal income tax rates of the 1950s for top earners. And if reducing income inequality reduces economic growth, he says, that’s fine. “You don’t necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants,” he said, “when children are hungry in this country.”

Bernie Sanders (NYT)


Don’t be like this woman. Let the government take your choices away and everything will be alright!

Now the corporate shills among you might be asking “What does the number of deoderant choices have to do with children going hungry? In fact wouldn’t the number of companies successfully selling those products mean that lots of people are employed in the creation and marketing of said products, meaning fewer hungry children since their parent’s are gainfully employed in a capitalist society?” but we all know that’s a load of hooey. You’re all just corporate shills.

Those 23 types of underarm spray deodorants are causing the starvation of children in this country. Bernie Sanders said so!

Here’s some other horrific side effects of too much choice in our dastardly capitalistic society.

Did you know that we have over 150 types of cereal to choose from in this country? Sounds pretty awesome right?


That large number of choices in cereal is causing the current drought in California!

Have you walked into a department store lately? We have so many different styles of clothing to choose from. One might think this was a good thing, since the fashion industry employs so many people from the designers to the stores, but you would be wrong again.

This is causing the unrest in the Middle East. I’m sure you thought ISIS or Iran was the real cause of that, but no.

Cars, there’s just so many to choose from. If you guess this was causing some sort of awful problem in the world, well you guessed right. This is what is causing the destabilization of the economy in the European Union.

Ever wondered why Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign seems to be having no impact whatsoever on childhood obesity? We have 10 or 15 different brands of hair dye on the market, who needs that kind of choice? Not Americans certainly, not when it’s causing so many problems in completely unrelated sectors that don’t even logically correlate, much less involve any causation.

See, choice is evil. I’ve proved it. We don’t need capitalism, we just need one brand of every product…government developed and sold of course. That’s why I support Bernie Sanders for president in 2016…not that I have a choice of course.




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Categorised in: America, election 2016, Humor

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