Swift for President

11173650_10153152139242368_896928799_nI may disagree with Hillary Clinton on just about every topic, but I do agree with her on one thing. It’s definitely time for a for a female president.

Unfortunately for Hillary, she’s not the female we all want. It’s pretty clear that Taylor Swift is the right choice.

Let’s face it, she’s America’s sweetheart and she’s clearly the bipartisan solution to all of our country’s problems. She even made #6 on Fortune’s Top 50 Greatest World Leaders of 2015, something that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton can’t boast.

Plus, with the current state of America’s relationship with our allies and enemies alike, we could really use someone who everyone loves. She could probably even sweet talk Iran into giving up their foolish nuclear dreams with a few well placed videos of her and her cats.

So today I got to sit down* with Taylor and ask her a few questions to find out positions on policies that are important to the American public on both sides of the political aisle.

Meredith: Thank you for taking time to talk to me today Taylor. 

Taylor:welcome to new york

Meredith: Thank you! Now with Fortune Magazine putting you in the top 50 greatest world leaders, I think it’s time to talk about your future in politics a little bit. Pew polls from last year identified the top issues for both Republicans and Democrats and I’d like to get your take on those important issues. 

M: And what are your feelings on the issue of gay marriage?

You can want who you want. Boys and boys and girls and girls.

M: Let’s start with some issues of foreign policy. What would be your view on our relationship with Israel?

The bottom’s gonna drop out from under our feet, I’ll catch you, I’ll catch you and people say things that bring you to your knees, I’ll catch you.

M: How do you feel about our country’s relationship with Iran?

I’ve been giving out chances every time, and all you do is let me down. And it’s taken me this long, Baby but I figured you out and you’re thinking we’ll be fine again, but not this time around.

M: How would describe the current economy and how would your presidency change it?

Perfect storm, I can make all the tables turn.

M: And now some domestic issues. What’s your opinion on the national debt? 

Oh, I’m scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing?

M: How do you think America should respond to terrorist organizations and threats like ISIS?

Tonight we stand, get off our knees, fight for what we’ve worked for all these years. And the battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives, but we’ll stand up champions tonight.

M: How would you describe the White House Press Corps?

Rose garden filled with thorns.

M: How will you deal with unnecessary government programs?

Shake it off, shake it off.

M: How would you describe America?

When we come crashin’ down we come back every time.

M: How would you conduct negotiations with foreign nations.

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me.

M: What will happen if we don’t elect your as president?

Don’t say I didn’t, say I didn’t warn ya’.

M: Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions today Taylor…I wasn’t really expecting you to sing all your answers, but I suppose that makes sense. You’ve shown yourself to be a more competent choice for President than Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, or Rand Paul.


*This is clearly satire, I did not, much to my disappointment, get to sit down with Taylor and ask her any questions.


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Categorised in: America, election 2016, Entertainment, Humor

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